Whole Again
by Magz86
Summary: He can't say it and now Jeff is going to kill himself. What the hell is he going to do? Can he get the love of his life back? SLASH. Don't like, don't read. M rating for suicidal thoughts, swearing and probably sex.. ;
1. Chapter 1

_Hey! New story here!_

_I don't plan on updating this regularly but I do plan on updating sometime! I am focusing on Lust right now but I wrote this a couple of months ago and it's been begging me to post it *shrugs*_

_Disclaimer: I don't own any of the wrestlers mentioned in this story so far. This is fiction. I'm not making any money off of this._

_On to the story... I hope you like it coz I am unsure about it. It's a bit of a new direction and I'm not sure if it's any good or not._

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**Whole Again 1**

"I love you," Jeff stood up, "but if you don't love me then I guess we can't be together anymore." He stared down at his now ex-lover, trying to portray a calm front but on the inside he was screaming.

"Jeff, please..."

"No. It's over." Jeff turned away as he felt tears forming behind his eyes. He couldn't cry in front of him, he couldn't show any sort of weakness.

"Jeff!"

He ignored the plaintive call as he opened the hotel room door and stepped out into the corridor.

As he walked towards his own room, the held back tears began to fall from his eyes making them shine a dark emerald green colour.

**JHTD**

Inside the room, Ted bowed his head. He wouldn't cry; he wouldn't. Jeff was the best thing that had ever happened to him and he'd thrown it all away over three little words. It wasn't that they weren't true, he just couldn't say them. Not just aloud, he couldn't even write them down or type them or whatever.

He loved Jeff Hardy. He loved him with all his heart. He could admit it to himself, just not to anyone else, not even to the man himself. Dropping his head into his hands, his body began to tremble. As the first teardrops hit his hands, Ted knew that he had to do something. He would do anything, anything at all, to get his Jeff back. Now, he just needed to figure out what would make Jeff notice him again, something that would get his love back into his arms.

**JHTD**

Jeff reached his room and fumbled for his key card. The tears were falling from his eyes harder than ever. When he dropped the card, his eyes were too blurred to find it again. He dropped to the floor and lay in a foetal position, curled up outside his room.

He didn't know what to do but he knew one thing for certain: he didn't want to live knowing that Ted didn't love him.

"Jeff?" He heard his name getting called out but he didn't respond. He didn't know who it was either. A hand touched his head and he jerked his head away. "Jeff, it's just me, it's Cody. Come on, sit up." Jeff felt hands on his body, moving him. "Randy, can you help?"

Jeff didn't hear an answer but did feel another set of hands on him so he figured that Randy was helping.

"Can you hold him? I'll open the door and we can get him inside, get him to bed."

Jeff had no idea who was speaking but did feel someone lift him bodily off the floor, holding him almost bride-like.

He didn't know what was happening and had no idea that he was moving until he was put down on the bed in what he supposed was his hotel room.

Whoever it was, Cody, Jeff thought, was sitting on the edge of the bed and stroking his forehead. "Oh, Jeffy, what happened? What has you so upset?"

Jeff didn't remember saying anything but he must have because someone else, Randy maybe, exclaimed "Ted did this? Ted wouldn't hurt Jeff like this. He loves him too much."

It was faint and pretty hoarse but Jeff managed to speak through his screams and tears, "No."

Cody frowned down at Jeff. "'No' what?" Jeff just shook his head, not wanting to speak anymore.

Randy stared silently at the broken man. Jeff had spoken in the negative only when he'd mentioned that Ted loved him. He wouldn't speak otherwise. Is that what was wrong? Had Ted told Jeff that he didn't love him or something? That couldn't be right! It was so obvious that Ted loved Jeff. It was in every move he ever made. It wasn't possible to hide it.

Randy bent down and got Cody's attention, before speaking into his ear. "I'm gonna go see Ted, see what's going on, okay? You'll be okay?"

"Yeah, you go. I don't want to leave Jeff when he's so upset. I think he might try to do something."

Randy looked down at the sobbing man, worried. "He wouldn't, would he?"

"I don't know but he's screaming like his life is over."

Randy looked back at Cody and Jeff as he left the room. There better be a fucking good explanation for all of this and he expected to get it from Ted.

**JHTD**

Randy knocked on the door to Ted's room out of politeness. He had a key card but he didn't want to get Ted riled up.

There was no answer and it just annoyed him. He could hear music coming from inside the room but it wasn't so loud that you wouldn't hear the door.

He got out his key card and walked in to find Ted just standing in the middle of the room, as though frozen, his head bowed. Randy could see tear tracks on his cheeks and again wondered what the hell had gone on here.

"Ted." There was a flicker of Ted eyes showing Randy that he had indeed heard and had also recognised that he was calling for him.

"Ted." The man in question lifted his head and allowed Randy to see his face along with his dead eyes. "Ted, what the fuck happened? Jeff is in his room, crying his heart out."

"Broke up." Ted spoke as he stepped backwards and sat down on the sofa.

"You broke up? What? Why?" Randy was in disbelief. Those two were like the perfect couple. Why would they break up?

"Jeff... he broke up with me."

Randy raised an eyebrow. "The hell?"

"He said he loved me."

"And what? What did you do, Ted? Don't tell me you told him you didn't love him, it's so obvious that you do!"

"I didn't say anything."

"WHAT? You get along there now and tell him that you love him or I'll drag you there myself."

"You don't get it Randy! I can't!"

"You can't what? Go along there? Tell him you love him? By God, if Jeff kills himself because of you, I'll kill you myself. And then I'll bring you back just so I can do it again and to let Cody have a shot at ya!"

None of Randy's words registered with Ted apart from three, 'Jeff kills himself.' Ted jumped up. "No! He can't! I can't live without him!" Ted tried to run but Randy blocked his way. "Bastard! Let me pass! I need to see Jeff! He can't ki-," Ted broke off as he started to cry again. "No! Randy, please!"

Randy just held on to Ted as he broke down. He hadn't even tried to block Ted's exit. The younger man had just run into him and started blaming him for it.

Ted calmed down a little so Randy led him down the hall to Jeff's room. He knew that if Ted had gone in there like he was something bad would have happened.

Randy opened the door to Jeff's room to find that Matt was there now too, sitting on the other side of Jeff, stroking his hair.

Ted slunk into the room, shrinking back as Matt glared at him.

"How's he doing?" Randy asked.

"He's calmed down a lot. He's asleep now. Though he keeps calling things out," Cody said, staring down Ted.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? I just couldn't... I couldn't... I'm sorry!"

Matt stood up from the bed just as Cody did. They both walked towards Ted. Cody stopped in front of him to say something. "He got out of bed. He got out of bed, Ted, to go to the bathroom, to find a razor. Do something. Now."

Matt watched silently as Cody told Ted what happened and as Ted turned to look at Jeff, terrified. Cody walked over to Randy, ready to leave. Matt moved over to join them but not before hissing in Ted's face, "Fix it. Fix my brother. Make him whole again."

The three men left the room leaving Ted with a sleeping Jeff. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't even admit to his friends that he loved Jeff, loved him more than life itself. So how was he going to admit it to the one person he should actually be saying it to in the first place?

He walked slowly over to the bed and sat down beside Jeff. He hesitantly put his hand out to gently shake the older man awake but pulled it back when he was just millimetres away.

What would Jeff say when he woke up and saw him? How would he react? This shouldn't be this hard! He should be able to tell his boyfriend that he loved him without all this trouble! This was infuriating

Ted leaned his elbows on his knees, his face in his hands. What was he going to do? He had to do something! He couldn't live without Jeff; he needed him like he needed air to breathe.

He could show him how much he needed him, how much he wanted him, how much he loved him but would Jeff realise what Ted was trying to do, that he was trying to tell him without words that he did in fact love him? Or did Jeff want to hear the actual words?

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_Hope you like it :)_

_Jess xx_


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey, people. _

_Thanks to the people that read this first chapter and another thanks if you reviewed, alerted or faved it :)_

_This was actually written like two weeks ago, way before installment 31 of Lust but I wanted to get that written before ideas plagued me about this fic! Honestly, after I posted the first chapter all I could think of was how the hell the next chapter of this was gonna go and Lust got pushed by the wayside. _

_But anyway, here we go! Hope you enjoy_

**Whole Again 2**

Jeff lay in his bed, curled up on his side facing the opposite side of the bed. He was in a semi-conscious state, neither asleep nor awake. He was floating in the abyss, not wanting to open his eyes but knowing that he should. His eyes fluttered slightly as he grimaced, trying to stay asleep as long as he could. He just had this feeling that opening his eyes would be a bad thing and would cause him pain... somehow. He didn't exactly understand how that would work but that was how he was feeling.

He sighed internally as he started to move further and further towards that realm he didn't want to enter, consciousness. Why did he not want to wake? Had something bad happened to Matt or to Ted, maybe? The only thing was that to find out he had to leave this halfway house and he just didn't want to.

He woke slowly. He opened his eyes and immediately shut them again to protect them from the brightness of the sun shining in the window. He opened them again, slowly. He blinked a few times before noticing that he wasn't alone in the bed. Recognising the short blond hair as belonging to his boyfriend, he smiled widely. He was so happy to see him and reached out a hand to...

That was when the events of the previous evening came rushing back to him and he jerked his arm back before he was too close. He scooted his body backwards so much that he toppled out of the bed. The resulting thud woke Ted from his own slumber and he sat up suddenly wondering what was going on.

Seeing Jeff get up from the floor made all the words die in his mouth. He didn't even know if there was anything he _could_ say. Jeff had broken up with him because, to him, Ted didn't love him. That wasn't true. It really wasn't. Ted did love Jeff. God, he loved the older man so much that it probably wasn't entirely healthy for him to feel that way. He just couldn't say the words. He'd never been able to tell anyone that he loved them and now this problem was ruining his life.

Jeff scrambled to his feet. When he was finally still, he looked over at Ted and instantly shrank back as though trying to hide himself. He couldn't do this. He didn't know what to do or say. He'd given so much of himself to Ted and put himself on the line because Ted was his 'one' but now it just was finished, over. What was he supposed to do? Ted didn't love him but he was so in love with Ted that there was never going to be someone else for him.

He didn't know if he could survive without Ted. He wasn't sure if he even wanted to. If he couldn't be with Ted, he might as well be dead and he was seriously considering that. He was really beginning to regret that he hadn't been able to use that razor properly before Cody had stopped him.

"Get out," Jeff whispered.

"Jeff..." Ted said softly, swallowing heavily.

"Please Ted, just go. Please."

Ted got to his knees and looked over at Jeff. He could see that Jeff was scared. He was too. He didn't want to leave yet. He needed to talk to Jeff about this. It was imperative but the thing was that how was he supposed to explain the problem he was having?

"Jeff. Please listen to me. We have to talk."

Jeff closed his eyes. He was tempted to give in and let Ted stay and listen to what he might have to say. He knew he shouldn't but he felt like he owed it to the other man. He was the one who ended it. Why was it so hard to say 'no' to this man? Ted was his weakness but he had to be strong. He had ended it between them and they should at least try to move on. Shouldn't they?

"No," Jeff said, "We don't. Please leave."

Ted looked over Jeff. He could see the defeated look on the other man's face and sighed inwardly. He would leave now but he would try again. He had to. There was no other option for him.

Slowly, he pushed the sheets back and turned away, his feet now touching the floor on the opposite side of the bed to Jeff. Jeff probably didn't notice but he had an inner struggle going on inside him telling him not to go. He pushed those thoughts away as he stood up, snapping his jeans shut as he did so.

He made his way around the bed before stopping in front of Jeff. His 'ex'-lover was standing there, trembling, in nothing but his boxers. Jeff was staring at the floor, as though he was making a pointed attempted at not looking at Ted. That annoyed him but he understood, or at least he thought he did.

Jeff felt Ted stop in front of him and the shadow that fell over his feet confirmed it. He was trying to be strong and keep to his decisions but if he looked up at Ted at all, he would change his mind. He screwed his eyes shut when he felt a finger lift his chin.

Ted lifted Jeff's chin so he could look at the other man. He frowned when he saw that Jeff wasn't going to look at him.

"Look at me, Jeffy, please. Let me see your beautiful eyes."

Jeff fought with himself before slowly opening his eyes and looking directly at Ted. Ted could see the conflict in them but he couldn't feel guilty about it. He needed to see _Jeff_, had to know how he was really feeling and it worked. Yes, there was conflict there in those eyes but Ted could also see the depth of feeling that Jeff held for him. Jeff was hurt, he believed that he was unloved, but he still had feelings for Ted and that was what was important right now.

"I'll be back. I promise," Ted spoke softly but firmly. He was hurting too but he had to hold it together, he had to be strong, he had to get Jeff back. There was nothing else that he needed or even wanted in his life because Jeff was it. "You're the most important thing... person... in my life so please, be here for me."

Jeff felt his breath catch and swallowed heavily. Ted said that with such feeling, such love... but that couldn't be right because Ted didn't love him. And then there was slightly begging tone to the statement as well. What was going on here? But Jeff agreed, giving a small nod to Ted.

Ted almost sighed in relief and cupped Jeff's cheek. "Thank you," he said before quickly kissing Jeff's lips. He stepped back and turned away. His heart felt heavy and his eyes were beginning to tear so he pulled open the door and left, softly closing the door behind him. He did not want that to be the last ever kiss he had with Jeff but he had to taste those lips again, just in case, even if it was only for a second.

Jeff had closed his eyes again when Ted kissed him. It was probably their last kiss ever and that thought sent him to his knees. He didn't want that but it seemed like it was going to be. He couldn't see any way back for them so what was Ted wanting them to talk about?


	3. Chapter 3

_*sneaks in*_

_You know what? I'm so very, very sorry! _

_Let's see... since the last time I posted anything... I got sacked from a part time job I had, my aunt died after illness, my computer fucked up – twice, I got another job (which BTW I really like), thinking about my future, my boyfriend is being his old miserable self and not really thinking about others (i.e. me) but I kinda have to put up with it because we're going to Las Vegas in 6 weeks time (YAY ME! So excited!), my brother lost his job, my cat had to be put down (she was 16 years and we'd only found out that she had quite bad kidney disease the day before), my dad's been away quite a lot – he's in China at the moment, mum's waiting on word of an operation... oh and the big thing... writer's block, not thinking the chapter was ready to post and having thoughts about other/new stories._

_So, I'm sorry for not updating. I don't even know if anyone remembers this story in the first place so I'll thank you all now for reading/reviewing or whatever if you do! _

_Thanks also if you read the read/reviewed the previous chapters!_

**...****CHAPTER 3...**

Jeff sighed and stared at the door that Ted had just left through. His jaw was shaking and he bit his lip to try and stop it. What did Ted want to talk about? What _was_ there to talk about in the first place? It was over between them. Finite. Caput.

He shook his head, trying to dispel any thoughts of them getting back together again, being happy again. It wasn't going to happen so he needed to stop thinking about him. There was no point in them being together anymore if there was no love on the other side of the relationship.

He was the one to end it in the first place. Why couldn't he let it go?

**JHTD**

Ted walked quickly back to his room. He didn't want to see anybody right not, not when he was so angry with himself.

Entering the room and shutting the door behind him, he took his frustrations out on the wall, punching it with all he had. "DAMMIT!"

He shouldn't have kissed Jeff. That had been a mistake. He was already pushing hard for them to talk, too hard. He shouldn't have kissed Jeff either. Jeff was vulnerable. He'd been open and honest about his feelings and was getting nothing in return or so he thought.

He wished last night had never happened. It all came down to a question: _How do you feel about me?_ When Ted had stalled in his answer, not knowing what to say, Jeff had been more direct: _Do you love me?_ Ted had stuttered and stammered but was unable to answer the question again. The most annoying thing about it was that he _did_ love Jeff, he loved him with all his heart.

His knees gave way and he fell to the floor sobbing. He did love Jeff but he couldn't say it aloud. So, how was he going to prove it to the rainbow-haired man? It just seemed impossible right now.

...

There was a knock at the door but Ted was in no condition to answer it. Not that it mattered in the end because Randy and Cody had just came in anyway, unlocking the door with their keycard. They were trying to be polite by knocking.

They froze at they stood in the doorway. Ted was a mess. He was on the floor, crying his heart and the knuckles on one of his hands were scraped and bleeding slightly.

Spying the dented and cracking wall, Randy shook his head slightly before walking into the bathroom to get a damp cloth.

Cody immediately knelt down beside Ted's hunched body and put his arm around him in a gesture of comfort, brushing his fingers over Ted's short hair. He shook his head not wanting to believe that this was happening. He just didn't understand why this was happening... and to Ted and Jeff of all people. They were like the golden couple.

What was he going to do? How was he supposed to help his friends? _Could_ he help them?

...

Cody looked up as Randy came back into the room with a wet towel.

The older man passed the towel to Cody who cleaned up Ted's wounds. Randy sat down on the room's bed leaning his elbows on his knees, his hands covering his face.

He didn't like this situation. He didn't like it one little bit. But what could he do?

**JHTD**

Jeff lay in his bed, the sheets pulled over his head as if they would shut the world out. "What am I gonna do, Matt? He's coming by later but I don't want to see him."

Matt sat at the bottom of the bed, frowning at his younger brother even though Jeff couldn't see him. "I don't know but maybe you should talk to him?" He was trying to be the voice of reason here. He'd never seen Jeff so happy than in the last six months that he had been with Ted. He had been feeling jealous of those two, wanting that sort of happiness for himself.

"Talk? We talked last night. He said, or didn't say, all he needed to. I don't want to see him, for anything. Why is that so hard for you to understand?"

"Jeffy, please, just talk to him. You owe him that at least, don't you think?"

Jeff sat up, the sheets dropping to his waist, and stared incredulously at his brother. "Owe him? You think I _owe_ him? Are you insane? If anything, he _owes_ me! I wasted six months of my life with him! Me. He owes me."

Matt stood up suddenly. "Give him a fucking chance, Jeff," he yelled. "At least, let him explain, for fuck's sake!" He knew it was the wrong thing to say as soon as the words left his mouth.

Jeff stared incredulously up at his brother. "WHY ARE YOU DEFENDING HIM? WHY? I'm your little brother and he... he... he..." Jeff stuttered as tears came to his eyes and his voice broke. He took in a deep, shuddering breath as he looked up at the ceiling, trying to calm himself down. "He broke my heart, Matt," he whispered, as tears began to flow freely over his cheeks.

"Jeff, hey, hey, hey, shh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that," Matt murmured as sat back down on the bed and wrapped his arms around his now weeping baby brother. rocking him slightly. "I'm sorry. I know this is hard. Shh."

Jeff buried his face further into Matt's neck, not saying a word.

Matt closed his eyes in thought. How could he help these two? Was there anything that could get these two men to talk, to get back together?

**_..._JHTD...**

_So, uh, it's been a while, what did you think?_


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